I love my dog! He’s part of our family and there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for him. Over the years I’ve wasted countless dollars on products and gadgets that for some reason sounded like a good idea at the time. I once bought a fleece hoodie for my male schnauzer to keep him warm on our long winter walks. Imagine my surprise when I realized it covered his … well, you know. When I read that dogs can get cataracts just like us, I was sure my guy needed doggie sun shades. At least they were a good conversation starter at the garage sale I had later that summer. But regardless of our past purchasing faux pas, many of us still feel the need to put something under the tree for our Christmas dogs and cats.
Pet Products Are Big Business
All kidding aside, pet products are serious business. According to the American Pet Products Association, in the U.S. alone we spent $66.75 billion on our pets in 2016. In 2017, it’s estimated we’ll spend an additional four percent on our pets, bringing the annual total to $69.36 billion! Now that’s a lot of kibble. But we’re not just spending on the necessities. In my opinion, here are just a few of the silliest, most outlandish, unnecessary pet products on the market today. (Get you credit cards ready – you’re not going to want to pass these up.)
Unique Pet Products for Christmas Dogs and Cats
Bowser Beer, $26.99
For real. Beer. For dogs. So when you and your canine companion are hanging out on the couch watching Monday night football, you can both throw back a few. The price is per six-pack, and the tasty concoction comes in three dogelicious flavors – Beefy Brown Ale (beef), Cock-a-Doodle Brew (chicken) and Porky Pug Porter (pork). It contains no alcohol or carbonation, but at $4.50 a bottle (plus tax and shipping), my guess is that most purchasers have already had a few too many themselves.
Pet High Chair, $49.95
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lain awake at night just wishing my dog could sit at the table with us at dinner. Well, now they can with the assistance of this pet high chair which clips right onto your dinner table. Phooey on all those animal behaviorists who say we shouldn’t feed our pets from the table. I say, bring ‘em on! This is the perfect gifts for our Christmas dogs and cats. Too bad though; they’re only good for pets up to 10 pounds.
Litter Kwitter, $51.79
Yes, now you can train your cat to use a human toilet, and get rid of that nasty, unsanitary kitty litter! One of its special features is that it can be fitted and removed in less than five seconds – because you’ll need to take Fluffy’s toilet seat off to use the toilet yourself. What could be more sanitary than that?
No more doggy breath or irritating canine odors for our Christmas dogs. Sexy Beast will change all that. This designer fragrance for dogs is just right for that special little something under the tree, or for the mutt that has everything. Sexy Beast Signature Canine Fragrance is a unisex blend of bergamot and vanilla-infused musk combined with natural patchouli, mandarin and nutmeg oils. (It kind of sounds like a 70s record store to me!)
Neuticles Testicular Implants, $129 – $169 per pair (plus installation)
And finally, the silly pet product to end all silly pet products. Prosthetic testicles for neutered pets. That’s right. According to their website, Neuticles help preserve a male pet’s self-esteem when we have them neutered. Neuticles do have to be surgically implanted, but no worries. Their site claims zero complications when implanted as directed. I’m pretty sure there was a whole lot of testosterone flowing through the research lab that day.
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